Hurry Up and Wait

"God called the light Day, and the darkness, he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day." - Genesis 1:5

The first day...so much hope put in this appointment. The wait for something amazing. Well...it hasn't been revealed just yet. So, we find ourselves still waiting. Which is fine. What speaks to me in the verse above is...the first day is simple. It existed...and we know so much more comes after it. You know what God made right after Day and Night? HEAVEN. And that is well worth waiting for!

There was quite a bit of waiting today. MD Anderson is a VERY big place, but a beautiful place, and one where being a cancer patient isn't so rare. There are people everywhere dressed comfortably, wearing head coverings over their nearly bald heads or being pushed in wheelchairs. There are volunteers who check on you, and each of them have been patients here before. We waited on the 6th floor for 3 hours after our scheduled time to see the doctor to actually have a conference with him. People were very kind and helpful, but the waiting was exhausting. It is hard to plan for anything when you're waiting. If I go to the bathroom or eat lunch, will I miss when they are ready for us?? Also, each area at MD Anderson is very specialized. They ordered some basic bloodwork for Mrs. Barbara to give. However, because she has a chemoport, she had to go to the 8th floor to have her port accessed by the Infusion Therapy specialists, then to the 2nd floor to get the blood drawn by Hematology, then back to the 8th floor to have the needle removed by the Infusion nurse. Whew! On our up/down journey though, we saw a beautiful rooftop garden on that 8th floor. I had talked about how nice it was all afternoon, then finally saw it was appropriately named "Barbara's Garden." A little blessing when we needed it most. :)  It was just the fuel we needed to wait an hour for the shuttle back to the hotel and the 45 minute ride through traffic to go 3 miles.

So, what everyone has been waiting for. The consult with the doctor. He agrees with all other doctors so far, that Mrs. Barbara's cancer is very rare and because it still grew during the firstline treatment it is considered "resistant." We asked about several treatment options including chemo drugs, surgery, radiation, etc. and most of those options she is not a candidate for as a part of standard treatment, either because of her bowel resection surgery increasing risks or because those treatments are not proven to be helpful for ovarian carcinosarcoma. He gives chemotherapy a 10-15% chance of working with her type of cancer. He feels that considering investigational trials may give her the best chance at extending her survival (which, in his opinion, could be 6-9 months with NO treatment). Investigational (clinical) trials have the opportunity to allow her access to some cutting edge methods to target the therapy she may undergo. This doctor thinks it would be rare that a person would not fit into any clinical trials, so he made a referral to the Investigational Clinic, and we find ourselves waiting again for a next appointment. As of right now, we have nothing scheduled for Wednesday...and are not officially under anyone's care. Sort of in a limbo. I have to admit this is frustrating. I am not even the patient, but feel abandoned and lonely! Then, I look at Mrs. Barbara, and she is OK and focused on the next step. She is a survivor. On this first day, she has moved from Day to Night, and I realize that I have been walking in "Barbara's Garden" all day. She is my blessing, and I find strength and encouragement in her presence.

Lord, I know you're all over this, and that there is blessing in the waiting. Help me to slow down and be in the moments. Help me to trust that Your Will is so much greater than mine. I pray that each person we encounter tomorrow will see Your light and love working through Mrs. Barbara as she survives this cancer in her body, and with all my heart, continue to hope for a miracle that only You can provide. In Jesus Holy name I pray. Amen.